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The Truth in Satire 

Don Ruhl • Savage Street, Grants Pass, Oregon • November 27, In the year of our Lord, 2016

Song Leader and Song Suggestions: Kevin Michael – No suggestions other than songs on the Bible


  1. The Bible uses satire to present truth. 
    1. The Book of Amos does this frequently, as in chapter 5,

      18 Woe to you who desire the day of the LORD!
      For what good is the day of the LORD to you?
      It will be darkness, and not light.
      19 It will be as though a man fled from a lion,
      And a bear met him!
      Or as though he went into the house,
      Leaned his hand on the wall,
      And a serpent bit him!
      20 Is not the day of the LORD darkness, and not light?
      Is it not very dark, with no brightness in it?
      (Amos 5.18–20)
    2. The whole Book of Jonah is a satirical work,
      1. ridiculing a prophet of God,
      2. who did not live like a prophet of God should.
        1. The Book shows him running from God,
          1. which Jonah knew he could not do,
          2. for he himself had said to the sailors,

            9 So he said to them, “I am a Hebrew; and I fear the LORD, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land” (Jonah 1.9).
        2. The Book shows him receiving God’s mercy happily, but
          1. angry that the Ninevites received it too.
          2. He honored God while still in the belly of the great fish, but
          3. when God showed the Ninevites mercy,

            1 It displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he became angry (Jonah 4.1).
        3. When the Lord gave Jonah shade in the hot sun,
          1. Jonah was very grateful for it, but
          2. when he lost shade in the burning sun, he became angry,

            8 And it happened, when the sun arose, that God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat on Jonah’s head, so that he grew faint. Then he wished death for himself, and said, “It is better for me to die than to live” (Jonah 4.8).

            1. He majored in minors but should have majored in majors.
            2. He cared more for his comfort than the souls of Ninevites.
    3. Jesus denounced the scribes and Pharisees in Matthew 23,
      1. doing much of it with satire,

        15 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte, and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves” (Matt 23.15).
        24 “Blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!” (Matt 23.24).

        27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness” (Matt 23.27).

  2. I will use satire today to make some biblical points. 
    1. I got these from
    2. Some of their satire just makes me laugh out loud.

      “Guilt-Ridden Tim Tebow Apologizes For Stealing Second Base”
      “Tim Tebow Called Out On Strikes, Turns And Heals Umpire Of Blindness”

      “Tim Tebow Hit By Pitch, Charges Mound To Offer Instant Forgiveness”

      “Tim Tebow Miraculously Feeds 5,000 Hungry Fans After Concession Stand Runs Out Of Food”

    3. Here are some with valid points:

      “God Apologizes For Gendered Language In Bible”
      “American Believer Suffers Brutal Persecution In Form Of Occasional Ribbing From Coworkers”
  3. Now I want to take four and preach them, and use a fifth for my conclusion. 


  1. “New Charismatic Bible Includes Hundreds Of Blank Pages For Personal Revelation”

    U.S.—A new edition of the Bible released by Charisma House publishing includes hundreds of blank pages sandwiched between the book of Revelation and the usual array of maps of the Bible lands, sources confirmed Friday.
    The new pages, intended to be used for regular, personal revelation from God directly to present-day Christians, reportedly come completely blank, so new authoritative directives from the Almighty can be added to the canon.

    “Believers receiving private prophecies and words from the Lord have often been confused as to whether these revelations carry the same authority as Scripture,” a Charisma House representative said Friday. “Now, with the Personal Revelation Edition of the Holy Scriptures, you won’t have to wonder anymore, as every whisper from the Lord into your ear can be recorded right in the Bible and instantly adopted into the canon as the inerrant Word of God.”

    According to the representative, the Bible is also available in a digital edition, which is fully editable and amendable as new words come from the Lord.

    1. I have had numerous people tell me that they have had visions of God.
      1. These personal communications from God
      2. have the same authority with people as the Bible, or even more authority.
        1. People have converted to Christ because of these alleged visions, voices, and vibes.
        2. Others have donated money.
        3. Some have made life decisions, such as a marriage, a place to live, or what job to choose.
    2. Therefore, I can understand the point of this satire,
      1. that Bibles for Charismatics should include
      2. plenty of empty pages for including their personal revelations.
    3. However, the Lord has already revealed all the truth.
      1. Jude 3
      2. Rev 22.18–19
  2. “Hymnals Updated With ‘I Surrender Some’ Lyric”

    U.S.—Hymnal publishers from around the nation confirmed Monday the release of new, updated hymnals containing a new version of “I Surrender All” among other refreshes and enhancements.
    The new version of the tune, entitled “I Surrender Some,” was written to refresh outdated language and theology in the 1896 song, according to hymnal authorities.

    “Singing words like ‘All to Jesus I surrender’ just isn’t in line with modern Christianity,” a spokesperson for Hymnal Publishing, LLC told reporters. “Now, Christians can sincerely belt out lines like ‘Some to Jesus I surrender, some to Him I conditionally give’ without worrying if their hearts really line up with the lyrics.”

    “It was our desire to preserve these time-honored hymns, while also making the lyrics so much more singable for the modern audience,” the spokesperson added.

    Other changes were confirmed, with new hymn titles like “In Christ For The Most Part,” “Be Thou My Homeboy,” and “How Great I Art.”

    1. This is how many disciples want to live.
    2. When confronted with passages
      1. that speak of self-denial or
      2. giving up everything to follow Jesus,
        1. they want someone, especially a preacher,
        2. to tell them that Jesus really did not mean what it appears that He said.
    3. Matt 10.37–39
    4. Luke 14.26–27
  3. “Humanitarian Organization Drops Crates Of Prosperity Gospel Books Into Ethiopia”

    ETHIOPIA—A newly formed charismatic humanitarian organization has made its first supply run into sub-Saharan Africa, dropping several pallets and crates of desperately needed prosperity gospel books into Ethiopia, local media confirmed Thursday.
    The organization’s pilots received visual confirmation of the successful reception of at least five of the drops by villagers in the rural countrysides of the poverty-stricken country, stating that grateful farmers, women, and children tore into the wooden supply crates, quickly distributing the health-and-wealth gospel to those in the most need in the villages.

    “Thank you, just thank you so much,” one Ethiopian woman reportedly sobbed as she took a Joyce Meyer book from the stack next to the muddy road on which she walks five miles each day to obtain semi-clean water. “Our prayers are answered!”

    “It’s the best thing we could give them to combat their dire situation,” a representative for the humanitarian aid foundation told reporters. “Once they learn that God’s will is for them to be wealthy and healthy, they will begin speaking this new reality out loud, in faith, and their circumstances will immediately change. As long as their faith is strong enough.”

    “These people just need to unleash their destinies,” the representative added.

    A second supply run is reportedly scheduled for the fall, in which supply helicopters will drop much-needed prayer cloths and vials of oil blessed by Benny Hinn himself.

    1. The health and wealth Gospel is what many people follow.
    2. They believe that if you have faith, you just need to name it and its yours.
    3. Therefore, if what they teach and preach is the truth,
      1. instead of sending money for food and other supplies,
      2. they should travel to places like Ethiopia and
        1. either preach what they preach here or
        2. do as the satirical article said and send their books there.
          1. Here if you get wealthy and healthy, who will notice? but
          2. imagine if they went to Africa and all who heard these preachers got wealthy and healthy, what that would say about the Gospel?
    4. Apparently Jesus needed to read one of their books.
      1. Luke 9.58
      2. So did Paul – 1Ti 6.8
  4. “Half Of Congregation Dies Of Starvation As Sermon Goes 15 Minutes Over Time”

    RUSSELLVILLE, AR—Roughly half of the churchgoers at First Baptist Church Russellville died of starvation Sunday after the pastor tragically went 15 minutes over his standard sermon time, local sources confirmed.
    “We don’t know if the pastor simply lost track of time due to passion while preaching the word of God, or if something more nefarious was going on,” police chief Dwayne Carroll told reporters Monday morning.

    “It’s hard to imagine that Pastor Frank did not notice the panicked glances at phones and watches, along with the thunderous stomach growls and moans of agony reverberating throughout the sanctuary within minutes after he began to breach his normal closing time,” the chief continued. “Whatever the case, he went well over his standard allotted time for delivering his message, and roughly 75 people in attendance simply could not hold out, succumbing to their hunger before the end of the church service.”

    Thankfully, the other half of the congregation was able to make a speedy exit as soon as they were dismissed, frantically rushing out the doors and flooding all local restaurants for emergency sustenance.

    “Pastor Frank should have known the dire consequences of a church service going even a minute past its normal ending time,” one survivor noted to reporters. “I mean, people have to eat.”

    Police Chief Carroll confirmed that the investigation is ongoing.

    1. I have seen people hold up their arm high as they looked at their watches.
      1. Others have held up their song books.
      2. Once a song leader got up from his seat,
        1. walked to the front, and stood there,
        2. wanting me to finish so that he could sing the invitation song.
    2. Matt 15.32
    3. Acts 20.9


  1. You cannot find several sayings in the Bible, 
    1. although most people think that the following are,
      1. Cleanliness is next to godliness.
      2. All men are created equal.
      3. Spare the rod, spoil the child.
    2. And this one,

      “Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”

      1. People call that the Sinner’s Prayer, and
      2. this is not the only version.
  2. This is the first satirical story that I saw on, 
    1. “Bible Lacking Sinner’s Prayer Returned For Full Refund.” 
      1. So many churches, preachers, and others
      2. encourage the lost to say the Sinner’s Prayer,
        1. even giving them one to pray,
        2. that you would think the Bible has it somewhere.
          1. The satirical story then says,

            “After purchasing a defective Bible that seemed to omit the sinner’s prayer—apparently due to some kind of printing error—local woman Gayle Dunsby reportedly returned the incomplete book to her local LifeWay Christian Store for a full refund Tuesday.
            “‘It was really strange,’ Dunsby told reporters gathered outside the Christian bookstore after she had received back her $36.99 plus tax in full. ‘I searched that Bible through and through and couldn’t find anything about a magic prayer I could lead people to say in order to instantly get them into the Kingdom and have them be forevermore secure in their eternal salvation no matter what their life looks like afterward.’

            “A LifeWay representative confirmed that the misprint may be part of a widespread issue after store associates were unable to locate a suitable replacement Bible for Dunsby, as none of the Bibles on their shelves seemed to contain the biblical sinner’s prayer either.

            “‘We’re facing what is possibly an unprecedented, industry-wide misprint of the Word of God,’ the representative said in a brief statement to the press. ‘As we work diligently to locate the source of this error, let us be comforted by the words of Scripture: ‘This too shall pass.”’”

  3. However, you can search the entire Bible, 
    1. especially the New Testament, and
      1. you will not find it,
      2. you will not read of any apostle or other writer referring to it,
      3. you will not see Jesus teaching it, and
      4. you will not hear any New Testament preacher telling sinners that what they need to do for salvation is utter the Sinner’s Prayer.
    2. Jesus stated clearly His terms for saving people
      1. that He wanted the apostles, and then
      2. the church to preach,

        15 And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. 16 He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned” (Mark 16.15–16).
        46 Then He said to them, “Thus it is written, and thus it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead the third day, 47 and that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in His name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem” (Luke 24.46–47).
  4. Therefore, the fictional Gayle Dunsby in the satirical story from Babylon Bee 
    1. would have been correct to return her Bible,
    2. since she was convinced that the Sinner’s Prayer was biblical, because
      1. every denominational preacher offers it.
      2. She fully expected it to be in the Bible.
  5. Yet, even these people who do the Babylon Bee 
    1. realize that Prayer is not in the Bible.
    2. They made a powerful point.
  6. Do you think that the Lord saved you after saying the Sinner’s Prayer? 
    1. Truly, the Bible does show us a man
    2. who saw a vision of Jesus, but
      1. the man did not know what to do,

        6 So he, trembling and astonished, said, “Lord, what do You want me to do?” Then the Lord said to him, “Arise and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do” (Acts 9.6).
      2. After he arrives,
        1. the Lord goes to a disciple in the city,

          11 So the Lord said to him, “Arise and go to the street called Straight, and inquire at the house of Judas for one called Saul of Tarsus, for behold, he is praying” (Acts 9.11).
        2. The disciple went to the man,
          1. healed his blindness, and then
          2. had him to do something,

            17 And Ananias went his way and entered the house; and laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you came, has sent me that you may receive your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” 18 Immediately there fell from his eyes something like scales, and he received his sight at once; and he arose and was baptized (Acts 9.17–18).
      3. Later, that man, Saul,
        1. would explain the importance of being baptized,
        2. reporting what Ananias told him,

          16 “And now why are you waiting? Arise and be baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on the name of the Lord” (Acts 22.16).